I’m 43 today.
I am waking up in Bali, about to start day 1 of 28 days of work at one of the most beautiful places in the world, Soulshine Bali.
I get to continue working with my friends, Sara Agah Franti and Michael Franti. And soon, a new group of retreat friends will join me on the other side of the world, having entrusted me with an experience they’ve travelled so far for. And then ON TOP OF THAT??? I’m running my first ever international Mynah Yoga Teacher Training on my own after that with a new flock of Mynah birds coming from all over the world.
Like……. Damn.
Sometimes, all I can do is pause in wonder put a hand on my heart, close my eyes, and relish how absolutely rad my life is.
And I can speak to luck, to networking, to opportunities, to serendipity, to building a brand, to dedication and hard work…
But today, I want to talk about my mother.
I was born on her birthday. 🎃 🎃
My mother was a young bride and a young mom. She moved to Canada, didn’t really know the language, and left behind her friends, her family, and so much of what was familiar.
As I get older, my perspective broadens. I think more about the woman she was before she became my mother. What she wanted. What she imagined for herself. What it must have taken to begin again so far from home.
And this poem hit hard:
在另一個人生裡，媽媽先成全了自己。
In another life, my mother chose herself first.
她會去很遠很遠的地方。風吹亂她的頭髮，眼裡盛著還沒熄滅的夢。
She would travel far, far away. The wind would tousle her hair, her eyes holding dreams that had not yet gone out.
她會在陌生城市的街頭笑得很開心，會在異鄉的夜色裡跳舞，會自由地愛人、生活，把日子過成自己喜歡的模樣。
She would laugh freely on the streets of unfamiliar cities, dance beneath foreign night skies, love and live freely, and shape her days into a life she loved.
而在那樣的人生裡，我並不存在。
And in that life, I do not exist.
有時我會想，那樣的她，是不是會輕鬆一些。
Sometimes I wonder whether that version of her might feel a little lighter.
她的肩膀不必承載那麼多重量，夜深的時候，也不會一個人安靜地疲憊著。
Her shoulders would not haveso much weight to carry. And late at night, she would not sit alone in quiet exhaustion.
她不需要把自己的夢一點一點收起來，再用漫長的歲月，慢慢變成一位母親。
She would not need to put her own dreams away, little by little, and spend the long years slowly becoming a mother.
我偶爾也會想起，在成為媽媽以前，她是不是也曾經只是個對世界充滿期待的女孩。
Sometimes I wonder, too, whether before she became my mother, she was once simply a girl full of hope for the world.
那個本來可以一路追著晚霞奔跑的人，後來卻停下腳步，回頭牽起了我。
The girl who could have kept running after the evening sky instead stopped, turned back, and took my hand.
I can’t know every dream my mother held, or which ones she might have set down. There are parts of her life I am still learning to understand.
But I do know that I have had room to make choices that weren’t as available to her.
I have lived a life where I could prioritize so many of my own dreams. Travel. Build something. Take chances. Follow my curiosity to the other side of the world.
She spent so much of her life prioritizing me and my sister. Giving us opportunities. Making room for us to become women with choices of our own.
And this morning, waking up somewhere so beautiful, about to begin another volume of work and life experiences that will enrich my soul, I am thinking about what it took for me to get here.
Including the things she gave that I was too young to notice, and the things I am only now beginning to understand.
I know she loves us. I have lived inside the care and effort of that love my whole life.
At 43, I can see more of it.
So that’s my birthday entry this year.
妈妈，生日快乐。Happy birthday, Mom.Thank you for this life that I get to live. 🤍